Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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