Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
