i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
