We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
