We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
