Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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