OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
