There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
