my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
