I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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