new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
