U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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