i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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