You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
