It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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