You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
