ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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