I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I forget how to act sober
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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