I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
