fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
