I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
