Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
