Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
