All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
