I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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