My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
