I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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