your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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