You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
