There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
