Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it glows. i had to have it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
did i just pee glitter
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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