when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
high people should be assigned attendants
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
