Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
