Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize