i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
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