just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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