Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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