FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
