I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
