Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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