I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
