READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
