His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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