i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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