Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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