Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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