Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
