party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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