Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
