Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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