How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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