he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
