her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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