If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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