Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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