It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
