some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
