I want to have your abortion
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
