you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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