it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
