I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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