i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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