I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
