id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
