Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I would ride that face into the sunset
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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