Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
