Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
NoShamevember. You game?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
