if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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