Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
