is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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