Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I want a musical about memes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
