my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize