You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
