my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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