i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
